August 2022
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is good for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.
- Ephesians 4:29
We do a serious disservice to ourselves and others by trying to force the idea that we must like and get along with everyone. I am a lifelong recovering people-please and this is a really hard concept for me to grasp. I want to like everyone, and I want everyone to like me.
But the truth is: we don’t all get along, and that’s okay.
I often use the metaphor of humanity being like a puzzle to describe the beauty of diversity, and how it is our differences that bring us together. If we apply this metaphor to how we get along, we might see that there might be two pieces that don’t fit together. It doesn’t mean that one of those pieces doesn’t belong, is worse, or doesn’t deserve to be part of the puzzle. It just means that maybe they aren’t meant to be right next to each other - and that’s okay. We don’t have to click with everyone.
The tricky part is: we are called to love everyone.
So how do we practice loving our neighbor, even if we don’t get along with them? Teacher Carey Arensberg shared recently on her Instagram the 5 things she teachers her students about “How not to like someone”:
1. It doesn’t need to be public knowledge. You don’t have to let others know that you don’t like someone, nor do you need to tell them why you don’t like that person.
2. Just because you don’t like someone, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to like themselves. Our goal should never be to belittle another person, or to make them feel bad about themselves/who they are. That’ doesn’t mean we can’t hold people accountable for words or actions that have caused harm, but it does mean we must remember that they are also a child of God.
3. You can choose not to spend time with someone, but it’s never okay to exclude from group activities. This is especially important for communal situations like school, church, or other groups. Just because we do not click with someone, doesn’t meant it’s okay to tell them they are not welcome.
4. You don’t need to recruit others to not like them, too. I love that saying, “You might be the sweetest peach in Georgia, but there’ll still be someone who doesn’t like peaches.” We might add: and we don’t have to go around recruiting others to not like peaches. We all have different likes, dislikes, and personalities, and that’s part of the beauty of God’s creation!
5. Use your communication skills. If something happens that you think can be talked through, talk to the person about it. If that doesn’t work, it’s okay to set a boundary and limit your time with that person in a kind way.
When Jesus told us to, “Love your neighbor as yourself” and to “Love your enemy” he didn’t necessarily mean we have to be best friends with them. I think he understood that not everyone will get along. He himself only chose 12 disciples.
We don’t have to like everyone, but we do have to love them. And love is embodied through kindness, respect, and compassion. We can practice loving someone we don’t like by practicing the skills Jesus & Mrs. Arensberg taught us.
In it with you,
Pastor Kelsey
