March 2023
Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
– Colossians 3:14
Author and scholar, Brené Brown, says that setting boundaries is one of the best ways we can love one another. People (often unintentionally) end up doing something that upsets us or makes us feel taken advantage of, and we don’t say anything because we don’t want to rock the boat. But then we end up resenting them, rather than loving them. Dr. Brown says that being clear on what our boundaries are, and letting people know them, allows us to spend more time loving and less time resenting.
I realized recently that I had never shared with you my own boundaries around this pregnancy. As your pastor, our relationship is different from those you have with your friends or family members who might be pregnant. It has been such a joy to share in this journey with all of you, and you have all been incredibly kind and respectful. Kevin and I want to share with you some of our boundaries as we await Baby’s arrival; what is okay to say or do and what is not okay.
You might be wondering: “Is it okay to ask Pastor Kelsey how she’s feeling?” or, “Is it okay to ask to touch Pastor Kelsey's belly?” Hopefully stating some of these boundaries will help answer some questions and help us navigate this time!
It is okay to ask me how I am feeling. I appreciate that you care!
It is not okay to comment on my body size or weight.
It is okay to ask if you can touch my belly; it is not okay to touch it without asking.
It is okay to share your stories of your pregnancies and birth, but please be mindful not to share too many horror stories.
It is okay if you want to ask about our birth plan or if we want to breastfeed, or similar topics, but please refrain from offering unsolicited advice or judgment.
It is okay for you to privately guess the gender of our baby; it is not okay to make comments that reference a specific gender, such as, “how is your Baby Girl doing” or “Baby Boy looks like he’s getting big.” The reason for this is: someone might overhear you and think that I have shared something with you that I have not shared with them. And, Kevin and I have so much of our lives that are public, and this is something we would really like to stay private until Baby is born. So please feel free to guess amongst yourselves, but respect that we would like to keep it secret.
As my pregnancy progresses, our boundaries will continue to develop, and I will share those periodically. I also encourage you, when in doubt, to ask. We will share what is okay/not okay with Baby once we get closer to their arrival.
I’m so grateful for each of you. Thank you for loving and supporting Kevin and myself as we step into the parenting journey!
With love,
Pastor Kelsey
